#79 - Action... Action... But No Satisfaction?

This blog post can be found at You Inspire Me.

All future blog posts will be published at this address; the title of this blog is now:

The World Needs Your Passion

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I look forward to staying connected.

Warm wishes
Corrina Gordon-Barnes

#78 - Press My Button

Everyone has a weak spot. Mine? Things breaking.

When a piece of equipment fails or some software doesn't work properly, a button of mine gets pressed. Some old pattern of not feeling safe in the world gets triggered and I utterly freak out. I have tears, I punch pillows, I tell the world how much I hate it and that I don't want to have anything to do with it if it's all going to be so unreliable.

It's irrational, it's out of character and I'm almost reluctant to share it - but I'm doing so because I know that we all have our own triggers. One close friend has dyscalculia; figuring out train times, dates and logistics sends her in to a cold sweat. Some of us dread the dentist, others find it hard to be around food; some shake at the thought of speaking in public, others throw wobblies when choosing what to wear; some of us become different versions of ourselves around authority figures and others of us can't bear criticism and failure.

When our buttons get pressed, here are some options....

#1 Avoid
Ever notice that desire to evacuate... from yourself? When something breaks, I can go into "I cannot deal with this" mode and shut down or disengage in order to protect myself. Others of us - to use the examples above - will avoid meal times, giving talks or travelling.

#2 Delegate
This option is expected in most organisations and it's important to remember that finding our own path doesn't mean we have to do everything ourselves. There are certain emails or pieces of paperwork which I simply forward to my web developer or my accountant. Conversely, I'm happy doing activities which others feel less comfortable with, like giving talks or sitting with with someone who's crying in total despair. What are we comfortable with that others aren't? This can be a great clue, revealing to us our niche a.k.a. where we're most needed.

#3 Turn The Light On
This option is about recognising that often the monster under the bed is scary only because it's the unknown. I can avoid and delegate all I like but sometimes I'm going to be home alone when a circuit blows and I need to know what to do with that fuse box. It takes a deep breath and a swallow of pride. I need to allow myself to be incompetent and vulnerable and say: "I find this hard. Help me learn" if I am committed to moving forward in an empowered way.

The world needs your passion, so...

1) Without judging, scan your life to see: What are your buttons? What triggers your fear, your discomfort, your desire to run and hide? What overwhelms you so much that you short-circuit? What could someone say or do that would spin you off track for the whole rest of the day? What brings you out in a cold sweat? Take a deep breath and just look.

2) Assess how you currently deal with these situations by reading back over the three options I highlight. Do you avoid or reactively delegate? What would be your version of getting up close and personal with that fuse box?

3) Leave a comment, letting us know how you deal with your trigger points....

© Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Does failure trigger you? **
When you fail at something, do you come up against a default mantra like "I'm no good" or "I should give up"? Or do you attempt to avoid the experience in the first place by sticking with seemingly 'safe' paths?

It's important that we 'catch' this mantra, examine it and then ask ourselves: Is this what I choose?

If your current mantra on failing isn't working for you, grab the final place on the Fail Is NOT A Four Letter Word workshop on Sat 20th June in London. Click here for more information and to book that place.

#77 - It's Not About Me

"At school, certain kids were being labelled as 'disruptive' or 'low achievers'. Then we created a farm. Suddenly, these tough kids with harsh backgrounds were going gooey over the rabbits. It was the first time some of them had ever cuddled anything. They were people, not labels. That's when it started for me."

Jane Tewson is the pioneering imagination behind Comic Relief, PilotLight & Timebank. We'd met at the Chain Reaction event (see my earlier post) and I asked for her words of wisdom: What would she say to other women who had ideas that could make a real difference in the world, but were blocked from seeing them into action?

Her perspective is that our focus needs to be over there on those we want to help. "People sit back and say 'I'd love to help'. I say, if you have an idea, just get in there. Go and test it out. If you want to work with homeless people, find out about a charity, visit the night hostel, learn more about the area. Talk to people, listen to what they need. Once you do that, you can't not follow your passion".

She finds her way through blocks that many of us would stumble over because of this focus. She's also an advocate of acknowledging what you're not so suited for. "The reason I do the work I do is that I learnt very early on that I'm not made of the stuff you need to work directly with people who are suffering. I do the second best - which is supporting those people who are made of that stuff."

I tell her she makes it sound so easy. "You have to find where you are most able to use who you are. I recognise that I'm not very good at very much. I'm shy, I'm not good with numbers or writing or speaking. I'm not actually that clever or talented. At school, I really lacked confidence because of my dyslexia. As I've got older, I've got much more honest about that. What I am good at is being a catalyst. I have an idea, I think about all the people you need to get a campaign off the ground and I get us all together in a room to brainstorm. My role is to inspire people and help them feel confident about the idea. More and more, people just come and say, 'I want to work with you'. I've been overwhelmed by that."

As we find and follow our passion, what would it be like to make it less about us? Imagine if we could all put ourselves fully in service, warts and all, knowing that we aren't brilliant at everything, that we won't always be successful, but that we will act anyway because something other than us compels us to do so. Each of us carries ideas and gifts which others need. It is our duty and our honour to put them into action, into reality.

Do Things Differently
1) What's it really about? Your dream, that nagging ambition that won't go away.... Imagine that the idea is not yours, not for you, but that you are just a vehicle for it. Who are you carrying the idea for? Action: Make a list of the people your idea would help and commit to speaking with some of them about what they need and how you can help. (Some would call this 'market research')

2) What are the strengths that you currently have which you can rely on to help you turn this idea into reality? What are the areas you need to seek the help of others? Who could you enlist? Action: Contact them to ask for what you need.

3) Leave a comment here on this blog, letting us know what it's like to see yourself as carrying an idea which is for others, what it's like to put your focus on others, and what it's like to enlist the help of others...

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

** Ready to make the difference you're here to make?**
If you're blocked by fear of failure, it's not just you who's missing out. Your project could be helping others... and that means you need to risk the highs and lows, the successes AND the failures. Ready? Join the Fail Is NOT A Four Letter Word workshop. Only 4 days left at the early-bird price so if you know you're ready to drop the baggage and put yourself in service, do book now.

#76 - Change One Thing

We used to sleep in the loft. The previous owners had it converted into a beautiful bedroom space that many our visitors have made appreciative noises about. However, the designers neglected to include heating so for four years we shivered through cold winter nights. This week we finally admitted that much as we'd tried, it just wasn't working for us. It was time for a change, time to take ownership so we pulled the bed apart and moved it down to the first floor. Other rooms had to be gutted and rearranged to compensate which was hard work but very much worth it. Our primary goal has been attained - we're cosier and more comfortable - and there have been extra benefits too. We want to invite people round more, it's better for our relationship, and I've got a more organised office space.The house just makes more sense this way round, with rooms having more appropriate roles, and we've felt much more inclined to tidy and clean (I've turned into a super-proud domestic goddess, in fact).

Change isn't always easy, pleasant or beautiful. Sometimes we have to create a mess before we get things in order. If you'd taken a snapshot of us trying to squeeze the mattress down our spiralling staircase or the two of us attempting a four-burly-men reassembly job, then you'd have thought we were worse off than if we'd still been in that cold bedroom. My clients experience this too. Sometimes they risk a change and things don't go brilliantly at first: a new kind of work is far more exhausting than the previous one, they take brave moves and others don't respond well or they sell their house and the eco-community they dreamed of finding doesn't emerge.

This is why it's so important to remember that finding and following our passion is a journey. There will be wrong turns... and also right turns which go up hills before we can sail down the other side. There may be chaos initially and things can look worse before they get better. This is why I love the metaphor of a sliding puzzle which you'll see as the image above. The picture could look 90% right but if we want the picture to be complete, something has to give. We have to change some thing, make the move and risk dismantling and rearranging if we want to really go for what we want.

Do Things Differently

What one thing could you change? What could be reallocated or rearranged to get things moving in the direction you want? For example, reallocating ten minutes of your day to meditation or planning, asking to reduce your employed hours to four days a week or turning the corner of a room into a mini home office. Make a list of options and then do one. What happens when you change one thing? Let us know....

** Want to change something... but scared of failing? ** Every time we change something, there's a chance we'll fail. How are you with that possibility? For many of us, failing is not an option we embrace and so we stay stuck, not taking that risk. The impact? Stagnation, abandoned projects, bottom line = not achieving what we want to achieve or being as happy or fulfilled as we know we can be.

Click here to find out more about a workshop that will change this for you. NB The early-bird deadline of 30th April is getting closer so if you'd like to join us, save £10 by booking in the next couple of weeks.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009.

#75 - Spirit of Competition

I used to believe I wasn't competitive. Growing up, my three siblings would race to play Monopoly; I would groan and drag myself over to join them. I dropped out of swimming lessons as a child because I hated how geared they were towards racing, and I dreaded Sports Day. So I was overjoyed to find, through my involvement with the sustainability movement, that there was support for this position. I would often encounter polarised, black and white lists which laid out: old paradigm = competition, new paradigm = co-operation. I felt such relief to be on the side where competition was no longer relevant.

And then I won the Ooffoo Laureate 2008 award. Throughout the process - entering, promoting the competition, waiting to hear - I've found myself having to think anew about how I feel about competition. How could I square my lifelong disdain of competition with how delighted I was to be involved, and then to have won?

I wondered this aloud and my partner, a teacher, gave me an alternative perspective whereby co-operation and competition happily co-exist. Her students enter a nationwide competition, submitting creative work which represents their personal response to a philosophical question. The project spans a number of weeks, during which time the students support and bounce ideas off each other in order to improve their work. Even though their work ultimately will be judged against each other, they don't seem to feel any need to hoard or conceal their ideas.

In this example, I see the true spirit of competition. I see how crucial the set up of the task is - how my partner emphasises the process, not the winning; how the experience is presented not as a cut-throat venture with just one prize to aim for, but rather one that they can share and enjoy with their classmates. I also see a pervasive trust in the uniqueness of each individual and their ideas. It reminds me of a jigsaw. When we seek to put pieces in position, we're not assessing which ones are 'better' than others, we're simply noticing the right fit for the right gap.

I've been wondering: did I make up this story that I hated competition.... because I was a bad loser? My siblings always beat me at Monopoly, my short-sight meant I couldn't see where I was going in the swimming races, and I was a slow runner. Had I shied away from competition because I hadn't always succeeded?

We need to investigate the stories we tell ourselves about what losing, failure and rejection mean. As we compete for jobs, contracts, prizes or places on training courses, there will be those instances where we fit... and those where we do not. Our role, then, is to put ourselves out there, to play the game. By doing so, we're not asking: "Am I worthy? Am I a good person? Am I valid and allowed to be on this Earth?" We're simply stating: "I'm here. Am I needed for this?" Competition can be uplifting and part of what moves us forward IF losing is just as valid and bearable an outcome as winning. As long as we ensure that losing won't destroy us, I'm coming to believe that competition has its place.

Do Things Differently

1) Inquiry: How healthy is your relationship with competition? What story do you tell yourself when you win, and what story do you tell yourself when you lose?

2) Action: Scan your To Do list for those actions which always seem to get put aside. Would they involve competing in some way? If they do and you notice that your perspective on losing, failing or rejection is what's keeping you stuck, take action to get a new perspective on these possibilities [see below for my upcoming workshop].

3) Comment on this post, letting us know how you perceive competition and how that perspective helps or hinders you. Also, what do YOU think about the place of competition in a sustainable society?

** Workshop: Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word **
Are you a bad loser? Do you hold back because the idea of failure is horrific? If seeing life in terms of success or failure is stopping you from playing the game and claiming your place, join us for the Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop on Sat 20th June. There are three place left and the early-bird price ends on 30th April.

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009

change of pace & special announcement

This Doing Things Differently blog is shifting to fortnightly as I dedicate time to creating content for my new website.

There's no blog post this week but instead I am delighted to announce that my article, The World Needs Your Passion, has won the Ooffoo Laureate 2008 award. Thank you SO much to those of you who voted and to those of you who have sent me messages letting me know the impact of this piece on you.

Click here to read the full article and the judges' feedback. You can also get a feel for what Ooffoo is all about and enjoy other fantastic pieces of writing.

See you back here next week when I'll be exploring: What place is there for competition in a sustainable society?

#74 - Age of Genius

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDDE8JUm9jA



How often have you contemplated the extinction of the human species? I hadn't, until I watched The Age of Stupid last year (see trailer above). The premise of the film is that it's 2055 and we humans have made our planet uninhabitable through our climate-changing activity. The film premiered this weekend in London in true walk-the-talk fashion: solar-powered projection, pedal-powered popcorn maker and celebs arriving on bikes or by tube.

When I first watched the film, I felt total despair. It's like receiving news that you have a terminal illness... and that the entire human family has it too. It is so important that we give ourselves space to feel the enormity and potential tragedy of the situation AND that our feelings can be channelled into impassioned action. It's perfect, then, that this film is now launched in conjunction with the Not Stupid campaign, aiming to turn 250 million passive viewers into climate change activists in time for the all-critical Copenhagen Climate Conference later this year.

What is it to be an activist? Well, writer/director Franny Armstrong and her crew made this film. A client of mine joined her local carbon reduction group the day after seeing the film. Many of us will vote with our feet by marching on 28th March and 5th December. The President of the Maldives has announced his nation's commitment to becoming carbon-neutral in the next ten years. Actor Pete Postlethwaite has pledged that if the Kingsnorth dirty coal power station is commissioned, he will give back his OBE and ask the Queen to dissolve this present parliament. We are all finding our role, our Contribution Footprint as I call it, and I am privileged enough to work with individuals who take that journey.

We need nothing less than a revolution, nothing less than a miracle. The good news? We're fully capable of that. Our history books have told us about human potential and reminded us never to underestimate the significance of the one and the power of the many. We have had many dress rehearsals for the revolution now needed. Let us not limit our imagination; let us change our climate to one of individual empowerment and collective solution-creation.

My perspective is that we are now entering the Age of Genius - a time in which we are engaged, empowered and uplifted, connected to our community and confident about what we have to offer. I don't believe we are stupid. I don't believe that when we really see what is happening, we would choose to make a collective suicide pact. I believe that after millennia of societal evolution, this is our opportunity to be what we've deep down hoped we are: Genius.

Do Things Differently

1) This week, enjoy being part of a revolution; get aware and get active. As Franny Armstrong, writer/director of the film says, it's not about 'the one thing I can do', it's about doing everything we can. Watch Age of Stupid this weekend, watch the clips from the premiere on YouTube, join the Not Stupid campaign and check out what Stop Climate Chaos are up to. Find ways of politically engaging by connecting with your MP, signing petitions, marching or joining a local group.

2) Notice what emotions and 'stories' arise within you - "One person can't make a difference" "What do I have to offer?" "I'm a nobody compared with all these people". Or maybe "It's all their fault" "This is a fight" or "How can I live with my guilt?" Notice, give space and decide what you want to do with this internal monologue.

3) Here are a few other options to throw into the mix. A couple of films on my radar: Fuel and The Next Industrial Revolution. We also have Earth Hour coming up on Sat 28th March and finally, if you'd like 100% renewable electricity, sign up to Good Energy, quoting GEP0071 when asked how you heard.

4) Join the discussion here. Seen the film? What were your thoughts/feelings? Don't want to see it? What are your reasons? I'd love to hear....

(c) Corrina Gordon-Barnes, 2009.

** Are you desperate to make your contribution to this Age of Genius, but notice fear of failure holding you back? Perhaps it manifests in procrastination or disengagement? Time to address this very common block. New date for Fail Is Not A Four Letter Word workshop: Saturday 20th June 09, Euston, London, 10am - 4pm. For more information and to book, click here. **